Technically, I am poor. I have next to nothing. But I don’t feel poor. I feel wealthy. I feel like I have more than I’ve ever had in my entire life. Even when I had money, I never felt this fulfilled.
I know why.
Ever since I fully gave myself to my Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ, things have only gotten better. I’ve always believed in God—even in the times I didn’t want to believe. Even when people told me it was bullshit or just my imagination, God made His presence clear in my life. I always felt something. There was always something weird happening.
One of those things: I was always told, when you’re having a hard time, go make someone else’s day a little bit better.
One day, I was in the store waiting in line. I saw a magazine on the ground. I thought, I’m gonna make someone’s job a little bit easier today. It was just a small gesture—just putting the magazine back on the shelf. But when I picked it up, a one-dollar bill fell out.
Just like that. A tiny reminder.
The Gear Lights That Came to Life
I once had a car where the gear lights didn’t work. They went out almost immediately after we bought it. For years, they stayed dark.
One night, I was talking to some people and God came up. It was a heavy conversation. I felt the Holy Spirit. I can’t fully explain it—it was just one of those moments where you know.
When I got back in my car that night and turned it on, the gear lights lit up for the first time in years. They worked—just like that. After a short time, they stopped working again.
You can call me crazy if you want. But I know what I saw. And I know what I felt.
A Window in West Oakland
Last year, I hit one of the darkest moments of my life. I was drunk, alone in my room in West Oakland. The window was dimmed and the curtains were closed tight. It was a cloudy, overcast day—barely any light in the room.
I sat there, feeling lower and lower, until I finally broke.
I begged God to help me.
Please, God. I’m tired of being like this. I’ll do anything. I’ll be your servant. I just need your help. Please. I’m done living this way.
Within minutes, the clouds broke.
The sunlight came in so bright it blasted through the curtains I had tried so hard to keep the sun out of. My room filled with light, and I felt a peace I rarely feel.
I picked up my guitar and started singing praise. I thanked God through that song. I recorded it on my phone.
The next day, I went to work. It was overcast again. When I got off work, I looked up at the sky and said, God, thank you for what you’ve done for me.
Right when I said that, the clouds separated again and sunlight hit me.
I wanted to hear that song I made the day before. I looked for the recording on my phone. It was gone. I had played that song at least three or four times the day before. I know it was there. But I couldn’t find it.
Was that a sign? I don’t know. All I know is what I saw. All I know is what I felt.
Faith, Doubt, and Critical Thinking
I know there are therapists and skeptics who would hear this and say, That’s just this bias or that bias. And that’s fine. Honestly, I like hearing that kind of stuff. It makes me think. It challenges me. It even makes me wonder if God exists sometimes. I think that’s healthy.
I think God wants us to think. He doesn’t want us to blindly nod along. That’s why He gave us brains. He wants us to wrestle with this stuff.
Of all the atheists I’ve met, I know one who actually has a convincing theory that maybe God isn’t real. But even if he’s right for a million years, I would still have faith in Jesus Christ.
Because after what I’ve seen in my life, after what I’ve felt, after fully giving myself to Jesus—
There’s no other way.
